Why Should I Bet on Myself?
I have been away for a while; not from my blog or the seemingly fictional “you” I am writing to, but from myself. I felt like something had been missing. The feeling I wasn’t fulfilling something inside me, something I knew I could only give myself. I needed to take the time to create it, cultivate it and nurture it. What was missing is writing: sharing my voice; creating loudly.
I ask myself quite often, “Who the hell are YOU?” Who the hell am I to think that anyone will or should care about what I have to say. On top of that, what DO I have to say? And why does it matter? My default response is, ‘I don’t know’ or ‘it DOESN’T matter.’ Each time keeping me away from writing a little longer. Within that lies the problem. Often our default responses toward ourselves are messages of limitation, reminders to stay small and know our place. Don’t speak of our vulnerabilities or make bigger life events about you; even if by sharing we create moments of validation and understanding.
I have a knack for relating everything I watch, read, hear or observe back to my own life. I walk a fine line between ‘attention seeking’ and ‘connection seeking’. Daily I do my own mental dance of putting myself out there just enough to connect, but dialing it back when I find myself taking up too much space. Some may view my initial instinct to circle everything back to my own life as self absorbed or egotistical. However, it is in these moments where I feel the most connected and immersed in someone else’s life. It is in those mental connections I make, the little road map I draw in my head, where I truly feel I can empathize, and where our individual paths merge, if only for a moment.
Yes, I still need to remind myself there are moments we all need to listen instead of share. So I was driven to create a space where I can share, be vulnerable and invite others to do the same.
I want to take an idea, a feeling, a lived experience and find out how we can all relate. How it lives in ALL of us in one way or another and also understand why. When I am wondering, spinning an idea, letting something play out over and over- that is when I find myself again. I want to take the “mundane” moments, the like-minded everyday thoughts and analyze them. “Are these thoughts unique or universal?” “Why do we think like this?” “Is there a biological reason? A shared Human experience?” and “What can we learn from this?”
In keeping with the theme of relating someone else’s idea to my own; while listening to my beloved Armchair Expert this sentence hit me like a ton of bricks. “The worst thing anyone could do is catch me believing in myself”. YES. That is it. My self doubt, self-deprecating humor, instinct to act like I don’t care; it is all so no one catches me believing in myself, just in case I fail. So look, I created a platform where I can CREATE LOUDLY and run the risk of FAILING LOUDLY.
Now back to the question “Who the hell am I?” Well, who the hell are any of us!? What makes one person more deserving of our attention or someone’s voice bigger? In short; nothing. We ALL deserve to follow our dreams, be creative, and be seen for who we are. We can’t expect everyone to care or to relate, but we can be true to that inner voice that is calling for connection and creativity. So let’s bet on ourselves and inspire others to do the same, we are all worth it.
