The Next Right Thing
A few years ago after a big transition in my life I wrote about “the next right thing”. I wanted to revamp and revisit that idea because it still feels very appropriate today as well. I feel like I have been on this huge “journey” over the last couple of years. Of course that can be said for any part of life; but for me the last year especially has had me evaluating several aspects of my life. I have been on a huge path of self-discovery involving my mental health, diving back into the professional world, writing and parenting a school aged kiddo now. So the idea that sometimes all we can muster is the next step, “the next right thing”, is still very present for me. If we look at ALL of the things that need to get done, all the steps that need to be done to accomplish a specific goal or outcome and how each action might play out… Well, that can be enough to make you want to just stop moving forward at all.
As a living breathing being we are wired to survive and to keep moving forward; to do the “next right thing”. At the beginning our needs were fairly limited to survival; I need water, I need food, shelter…etc. Once our physiological needs are met the “next right thing” may not be so easy to navigate. In 2023 when we live in a fast-paced society with technology and endless information being thrown at us, as well as trying to satisfy the needs of our families, work life, friends…etc… It is easy to lose sight of what OUR next right thing is. In a society where we are wired to “go, go, go”, when you find yourself in a period of transition or uncertainty of the next step, it is easy to get overwhelmed by all the “shoulds” and “have tos”. Once again, finding yourself in a position of questioning HOW we move forward.
So Now What??
During my first go around of this post my friend introduced me to the term Languishing: “The void between depression and flourishing- the absence of well-being”. I want to touch further on mental health in other posts, but for now I am talking about getting out of that stuck, sludgy feeling. Especially as a parent, now “professional”, and just good ol’ human being I constantly look at my own “shoulds”;
I should be more present with my son, do less screen time, volunteer in his classroom more, I should go to the gym more, start cooking healthier foods, deep clean the whole house, stay on top of all of my work, write more…on and on. Any time I have a change in routine or a transition period my “should do” list gets longer and longer. It seems so overwhelming that it becomes paralyzing. Where do we even begin? Most of the time when I don’t know where to begin… I just don’t begin at all.
Instead of focusing on an action, sometimes I find it best to focus on how I want to feel; I want to feel healthier, I want to feel more engaged with my child, and I want to feel like I am accomplishing a little something everyday.
Now that I am adding more “career” oriented goals for myself, something that I am adding this time around is also looking at HOW I see myself and WHERE I see myself (DREAM BIG);
I see myself writing about mental health, authoring a book with my grandmother, I see myself continuing my education in Play Therapy… I want to become a published author, one day educate others, and grow a community.
Once I am able to pinpoint how I want to feel or how/where I see myself in the future, I try to take it a step at a time. If I want to feel healthier while cooking dinner, “the next right thing” could be to add more vegetables to my plate. If I want to feel more engaged with my child the next right thing might be to end screen time 10 minutes early and read together (baby steps people). OR If I see myself publishing a book with my grandmother one day the next right thing may be to start recording her story and writing it down (as I have started). It may seem silly and fairly obvious but when you are stuck in that void-that mental hole of languish- you put down the shovel and take it a step at a time to get out.
Even as I write this I have to admit to myself that I often get so overwhelmed with every piece that goes into it or actually focusing on what happens once I get to the feeling, destination or goal that I forget that the journey is in the process. That is why, for me, focusing on the next step the next “right” thing can not only make it more attainable but can bring you into the present moment.
This process or idea may not work for everyone, and I absolutely understand that there are variables in life that make it impossible to move forward without addressing other issues or finding other support systems. My situation was not about circumstance but more of my mental state and overwhelm. It is so easy to get caught up in not only the “have tos” and “shoulds” but also the “what ifs”. As a mom who is in charge of the well being of another human I can easily lose sight of myself, what I CAN control, and the importance of just moving forward.
Just know that if you are feeling a little stuck right now, overwhelmed and not sure how to move forward just stop and think; How do I WANT to feel, WHERE do I see myself, and HOW do I want to view myself? What does my ideal well-being look like? Then take a deep breath, and try to do the next right thing.
