A Truly Wonderful Life

I often wonder if my reflections or my voice are needed in these little retellings my Titi sends to me. While they certainly stand on their own, I do think that there is something almost poetic about it being sifted through the lens of another generation. It brings up an interesting truth that while our stories are OUR stories, they don’t stand alone. Everything that happens and has happened has affected and even made the lives of so many others. 

That sweet baby she talks about welcoming, that's my Tia Carmen. The most caring, fierce and fiery woman I know that stands a little less than 5’. Although you wouldn’t know it. Along with her heels and her hair that are both absolutely fabulous, her energy, love and knowledge follow her in spades in every space she fills. She’s the reason I knew love outside my mom, the reason I remember crying when my little cousin was born because she now loved a kid in the way I felt she loved me, and the reason that little cousin became the brother I never had. She loves so fiercely and fights for those around her yet brings light and laughter with her creating this beautiful dynamic energy.

The little boy new to kindergarten, well that’s my Uncle Ralph. I will never forget the day my own son was born; he was living about 2-3 hours away and the minute he found out he was born he and my Tia Sue hopped in the car and drove down just to see my son. I assumed they were going to stay the night but they hopped back on the road shortly after and went back home. A 6 hour round trip because “of course”. His big gestures of love and connection always came at the times you didn’t expect it but needed it. Whether it was in a poem he read at my wedding, showing up the minute my son was born, or always making sure I knew I had a home away from home if needed… he never fails to show up. 

And the opinionated truth telling sassy little girl. Well there is no surprise there, that’s my momma. MINE and ME all in the same breath. If I painted a picture of loyalty and love in the other two, my mamma takes that on in a whole new way. She doesn’t know how not to love without her whole being and soul. She will advocate for those around her and take on their experiences, joy and pain. Yet, she never asks or expects you to take on hers. She never knew how to be anyone but herself. All 3 of them felt like that to me. But for my mom, I have never seen her more herself than the last few years. And to have that experience from mom to friend to woman to woman… Is something I never expected and wouldn’t change for the world. 

So, you see, when my grandparents were raising these 3 kiddos, doing the best they could, taking it moment by moment and filling their life with family and love… they were unknowingly creating the world around me, around all of us. And that is the poetry itself, the magic. 

“The years were getting really exciting. We were really getting used to our life here and enjoying it. Enjoying seeing my two little kids grow up. Ralph was such a sweet boy and getting ready to go to kindergarten at that time. And Teresa was always such a fun kid. She learned to speak early on and could say these big sentences. Of course she would sometimes embarrass us because she would tell everyone the truth, exactly what she thought. It was just such a wonderful time watching them grow up. 

Around this time Henry’s sister Gloria came to stay with us. She was the next of the family to come. She was really a very gutsy independent lady and she loved to work and immediately got two jobs here to make money to move to a bigger city. We always had a full house. We would have siblings, cousins, friends… just coming in and out. Even though our house was small we were always able to accommodate our family and friends. 

The biggest and most wonderful news at this time was that we were going to welcome our third baby. This time we knew exactly when she would be here although we didn’t know the sex. We told everyone and when we told Uncle Carlos he said ‘the baby must be born here in Elkhart, where Teresa was born and where I am’. So we thought okay, but Ralph had to start kindergarten which was a big change for us and hard for me to see him so little and going to school. 

The first weeks of school Teresa and I would walk him to the street right before the school and the crossing guard would walk him across. A teacher had said to us that they need to learn to come by themselves. So I thought okay. So one day I took him to school and he was supposed to walk back from school on his own. So that afternoon I was waiting for him to come back, waiting and waiting and he didn’t come. So I got so scared. So I grabbed Teresa and we walked the path where he was to walk back. So finally we see him there, my little boy standing in a corner. When he saw me he ran to me and said ‘oh mommy the bullies wouldn’t let me go home’. Oh my poor baby, but I guess that’s the way it is sometimes. The lessons we learn. But he started to go to and from school on his own after that. 

When the time came that I had to go to Elkhart Indiana to have Carmen he had to stay in town because he was going to school. Henry took me to Elkhart a month before and Teresa and I stayed there and Henry would take Ralph to school and Mrs. Sharp or the Sharp kids would pick him up from school and take him to Mrs. Sharp’s house and Henry would pick him up at 5. And then every Friday for a whole month they would drive to Elkhart to spend the weekend with us and then come back for the week. 

On December 1st, on a Thursday, I started getting some pain and went to the Hospital and my Carmen Beatrice was born. Such a sweet tiny little baby. That Friday Henry came with Ralph and they met her and that Sunday we went back home. We drove all the way from Elkhart to Champaign, which at the time was 9 hours because there weren't any bigger roads for us to take at that time. So it was really a long trip for Henry every weekend and then coming back with a little baby was a lot. I do remember we stopped at a lot of places that were already decorated for Christmas and it was such a nice time, our new family of 5.

 When we came home Manuel and Blanca Maria were waiting for us, and this was the time that they left to go to Eastern Illinois. So soon it was just the 5 of us, complete with our new baby. The kids were just crazy about her, Ralph would say ‘this is my baby’. He went to school and invited all his friends to see the new baby. The teacher called me and said ‘maybe when the baby is a little older please bring her to meet the kids because Ralph is inviting everyone to your home and they all want to meet the new baby.’ So anyway, this was a very good time in our life. Talk to you later”