Two Weddings…
Time for a wedding. This was an exciting time. I was getting ready to Marry on December the 20th. I had to announce my engagement to my aunts and uncles. Immediately uncle Mario, who had the most beautiful home which won awards for its architecture, said “You must get married at our house!” My aunt agreed that since I was the first in that generation for our family to get married that I should wed there. Which was so wonderful because it really was quite beautiful including its landscaping and gardens. We started planning the wedding and Henry had the invitations made in Cochabamba. I didn’t want any bridesmaids, we just didn’t want a bridal party or flower girls, even though my sisters would have been so cute. I just wanted Henry and I to get married. I didn’t need all the other stuff. I knew we would have a party though because my dad wanted that and he hired a chef and an orchestra. I wanted a very small cake. I didn’t want a tower cake. I just wanted a simple sheet cake so I at least got that. So everything was getting done and it was getting more and more exciting to plan a wedding.
It is such a beautiful thing to plan a wedding; it is exciting and nerve racking and stressful. It was completely different than the ones I would go on to eventually plan for my daughters. My mom and dad did most of the planning and we were going to have about 300 people, mostly family. Every one of my cousins, uncles and aunts. Nobody would miss my wedding. They came from all over Bolivia and even from Brazil. It was going to be an exciting day.
A Letter from Henry Mendez to Fernando and Alicia Velasco: (This is translated from Spanish by my grandmother so some things may not translate exactly)
Today I write to you with one of the most satisfactions in my life: to fulfill before you a sacred duty and take to a happy ending that I have wished and hoped for since I was able to conquer Teresa’s love. I ask you to give me the happiness to make her my wife. I am sure of this step, I do so with full convictions of my feelings and responsibilities that I will take. While I may not have been lucky in material benefits I possess a sense of life and a hunger for work. They have given me the strength to confront any problems the world may give us. These are attributes that I have inherited from my parents. We have decided to embark on this part of our lives with all the love that we have for each other and following the natural way of life. Like falling fruits of the tree that become the seeds and trunk of the new generations. I know that Teresa is precious to you and I promise you that I will try to make our marriage an outstanding and wonderful one.
It goes on… I could not find the rest of it but this should give you an idea of how your grandfather felt about me.
______________________________________________________________________
I have always seen parallels in my grandmother and I; our Leo driven personalities, our love of dolls, musicals and romances. I even see myself in her eyes, her full lips and round face, but I am seeing parallels that I didn’t know were there. Since I can remember her and I always had this fantasy about my wedding. Much like her I loved the idea of planning and imagining a grand romantic wedding. I never paid much attention to the details of the guy, which some would argue is the most important piece, but what really mattered was the dress, the venue, the huge bridal party and cake. I planned a wedding to a non existent partner for years and my grandmother always lived in this fantasy with me. Something that would be “ours”.
When I met my now husband we had a way of living in the now. Both passionate and fiery, not always knowing what tomorrow would bring for us but we knew that we continued waking up every day loving each other. When I finally started planning a REAL wedding, we had been together for 4 years already. At this point we had an almost 2 year old and lived across the country from my family, including my grandmother. While we tried to plan what we could do together; picking out the dresses and the flowers. A lot of the things I did on my own or with my soon to be husband.
It wasn’t until hearing her recollection of her own wedding that I realized we landed on very similar choices. We both decided to forgo the traditional wedding party; we each had one person standing up with us and even though we had an adorable 2 year old boy, we decided not to have a traditional ring bearer. After years of imagining big extravagant cakes, when the time came I didn’t want a big cake. We had a very simple one layer cake and didn’t even cut it but opted for a Bolivian tradition instead. On top of that I too had family from all over including my husband's family from Colombia, our aunts, uncles and cousins from all over the United States and my aunts from Bolivia; TiTi’s sisters.
The most unexpected parallel ended up being the men we fell in love with. In a lot of ways they are of course different but in so many little ways I see a strong connection. In the line my grandfather wrote about possessing a strong work ethic and love for life, I see my husband. He puts his whole heart into everything he does; his job, his family, his friendships. He has a belief in his ability that I envy and rely on. I never once doubted that we could navigate this crazy life together even if I felt completely helpless at moments. My grandmother has also talked about learning what real love is; overcoming obstacles together, experiencing the birth of your child, watching one another become parents, sitting in silence and being in peace, laughing at jokes that only you understand… A love that grows with you. I married my best friend who makes me laugh harder than anyone, who drives me crazier than anyone and the person I want next to me through my happiest and hardest moments. Much like my grandfather to my grandmother; he is the calm to my storm. He encourages me to be independent, have my own goals and dreams but also makes sure I don’t take myself too seriously.
Here is to the two independent free spirited Leo women and to the two men who love and loved us deeply; who may have only a few words at times, who let us be loud and the center of attention, who tethered us to reality, who made us laugh harder than anyone else, and who never shied away from making their love known when it counts. In all the ways that I see myself in you; finding someone who loves me the way you were loved is the one I am probably most thankful for.
So here are the vows that my husband wrote to me on our wedding day. They are also cut down a bit from the original.
I want to start out by thanking you. Thank you for being a great partner all these years. You have always supported me in my ventures, and in my decisions. You have always been there to listen, give me advice and help me see things from a different point of view. You have helped me grow into a wiser, more confident man. Thank you for being such a great mother. Manny and I are so lucky to have you. When I look into his eyes, I see a reflection of who you are and I could not be more proud and excited. Thank you for being a great daughter to my parents and sister to my brother. You have accepted and embraced them as you did me. Seeing how much they love you, makes my love for you that much deeper. Thank you for always being kind and open to my friends. These are my chosen family and you have always been so accepting and loving towards them. You are a beautiful, wonderful person and I am lucky to be standing here with you.
To you Olivia Susan Bray, I give you my heart. I will always love you and only you. I promise to be by your side through thick and thin. I promise to protect you and provide for you. I will be your rock. I promise to listen and assist you in whatever life throws your way. I promise to do my best to make you smile and appreciate the small details in life. I will be there to grow old with you, and I will never stop admiring your beauty. I promise to always respect you and to always make time to enjoy each other. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you.
