Pretend Play and Why it is SO DARN HARD
I mentioned a few posts ago that the hardest form of play for me to do with Manny is pretend or “make believe”. Specifically for me playing with his characters in any way. I am actually writing this as he plays in the other room and I am mentally praying that he does not say “Mommy can you play with me?” Which of course makes me feel like an AWFUL parent. However after talking to a few friends and doing research for this blog I found that I am not alone, WE are NOT ALONE! Post after post I found moms asking; “Anyone else really hate pretend play or is it just me?” and “how can playing be this hard!?”
Thankful to know I wasn’t alone, I started to wonder why is it that this specific form of play is so incredibly hard and in a sense “painful” for adults to engage in? When do we lose our ability to make believe and engage in open ended play? Does this happen for most adults or just certain personalities; right brain vs. left brain. Is there a way to become better at play or at least find it more enjoyable? So. Many. Questions!
After a little digging I was able to answer a few of my burning questions! Mainly I wanted to know why pretend play is so darn hard for me (us)!? I have come up with what is best described as a “research based opinion” which concludes that based on Jean Piaget’s model of cognitive development there are 3 main factors that play into our “lack of play”, and they are; animism, egocentrism and abstract thinking. That sounds even more confusing so let’s dive in!
My own experience
Now don’t get me wrong, I love playing with my son! Sign me up for hiking, throwing the ball outside, coloring or playing board games. But come at me with characters and no concept and I will run the other way!! Looking at the activities listed I find it easiest, as I believe most of us do, to engage in play that is goal oriented or task centered. For example; hiking, throwing a ball, playing a game all have ending points or tasks to reach, even if it is something as simple as walking or throwing something from point A. to point B.
When it comes to more creative play like painting, coloring, or play-doh that sort of play can be as open or close ended as the creator wants it to be. For children, giving them an array of materials with no specific instructions or plan can be the best way to engage their imagination and really push their own creative thinking skills. However for most adults we come up with a plan almost immediately; making a card or a face or painting a specific image. We can make it fairly goal oriented to fit our preference.
Pretend play is naturally a more open ended form of play. It is crucial for children to engage in this type of play as it can naturally aid in language and literacy skills, as well as critical thinking and problem solving. When playing with others it can also help them learn patience, collaboration and general social skills. The same factors that make it so important for children’s growing brains are what can also make it so difficult for us adults. Let’s say we engage in pretend play and come up with our own plan or “task” within the play to make it more manageable. Our plan is then derailed by a five year old with their own ideas and our manageable task of “this character will go here and do this” is now “mommy your character can only walk upside down with no other super powers and anytime I touch it you have to freeze and can’t move until I say so and also you are a fish.” WHAT?
Cognitive Development Theories
One of the most influential names in child development is Jean Piaget. He was a Swiss Psychologist who is known for his theories on cognitive development throughout the course of childhood. Piaget’s overall concept is that “children’s minds are not just smaller versions of adult minds but actually grow and develop in different ways”.
He also recognized that there were Four Main Stages of Cognitive Development:
Sensorimotor Stage (birth to age 2)
Preoperational Stage (ages 2 to 7)
Concrete Operational Stage (ages 7 to 11)
Formal Operational Stage (ages 12 through remaining lifetime)
For the purpose of this post I will focus mainly on the Preoperational Stage and how the traits for this stage vary from later stages changing the way we cognitively function; specifically in terms of play.
In doing research for this post I discovered a new word; Animism. This is the idea that inanimate objects (such as toys and stuffed animals) have human feelings and intentions. (Think Toy Story!!) “For the preoperational child the world is alive, conscious and has purpose”. Piaget also saw Animism in 4 stages: the first one is up to ages 4 and 5, up to this point children believe that everything is alive with purpose.” So our little ones are running around believing that every toy, cup, crayon… has its purpose and is alive in some way. This may be able to explain the attachment our kiddos have in specific toys or items even if we try to replace it with the exact same item. Each one to them is special, unique and alive in its own way. So when our little ones play pretend with these objects they are bringing even more life and purpose to these toys and can play and create in a way that our brains may not be able to comprehend.
I found this extremely helpful to understand the emphasis put on even the simplest of objects. Children see everything as intentional, having purpose and holding endless possibilities.
Four Stages of Animism;
Up to 4 or 5 everything is alive with purpose
5-7 only objects that move have purpose; dolls, action figures, toy cars….
7-9 only objects that move spontaneously are thought to be alive
9-12 only plants and animals are alive
Seeing as children between 2 and 7 are still in the preoperational stage, animism is a huge part of their cognitive development during that time. Once we reach around 12 we can firmly grasp that only living breathing creatures; plants and animals, are alive. And we also move into Piaget’s final developmental stage; Formal Operational, where our adult brains are at in terms of our cognitive development and also in terms of play.
Not only is animism a huge difference between preoperational stage and Formal Operational Stage but so is egocentrism. Between ages 2-7 children remain fairly egocentric and are unable to clearly understand the viewpoint of others. This has been demonstrated by having children look at items from one angle and when asked how someone at a different angle sees it, they believe that the others see it exactly the same way they do. In very simple terms, egocentrism is the idea that the world literally revolves around you. For young children they don’t think about someone else’s point of view or that they are thinking or experiencing anything different than they are.
Egocentrism diminishes by the Formal Operational Stage. So as adults we are aware of others perceptions and ideas. We are fully aware of other’s perspectives and what is deemed “socially acceptable”, which plays a huge role in how we conduct ourselves consciously and subconsciously. Children are able to play in a way that is free, creative and beautifully uninhibited because they are so unaware of possible perceptions of others or what they “should do” or how they “should act." As a result, they can play in a way that no longer comes naturally to us. Children can also go to places with their imagination that we would not think of. They are not constrained by “what is” but think in terms of “what if”; which leads us right into our last concept which is abstract thinking.
The last huge difference (at least for the sake of this post) between the way we cognitively respond to the world around us, and therefore play, is the change from the Preoperational Stage to the Concrete Operational Stage (7 to 11) and beyond. This is around the time play changes from open ended to more structured with rules and goals, i.e. games. Around 7 years of age children’s ability to problem solve and reach logical conclusions evolves and they actually begin having trouble thinking in the abstract. Our adult brains are literally not designed to function in fully abstract thinking; the ability to consider concepts beyond what we observe physically. We see items for what they are and think about what is physically possible or not possible. We can expand our imaginations to a point but most of us are not able to go too far beyond what we have learned to accept as “logical” and “possible”. This makes pretend play very limited for us and can make meshing our ideas with our incredible littles one’s unlimited imagination mentally exhausting.
As we form new schemas; a set of thoughts, ideas or perceptions that fit together, we are changing the way our brain thinks by gaining knowledge. Children can go to places with their imagination that our brain may no longer be able to fathom because they are literally not yet restricted by “what is”. Which is a great reminder of what drove all of Piaget’s research; children’s brains are not miniature versions of ours but are growing, developing and processing COMPLETELY differently. So it is only natural that we play and process play completely differently.
Children use play as one of, if not THE most important tool to help their brains develop. Our adult brain doesn't use play as a tool. Play is designed specifically to build their brain in the same way a hammer is designed specifically for a nail. And think of our grown up brains as a screw and a drill. So it makes so much sense that play isn't going to benefit us the same way and may even be difficult for us to fully grasp, because it is not designed for us. *mind blown*
We may have our answer! Thanks to the amazing research of Jean Piaget I have concluded that the 3 main concepts that make it so darn hard for our adult brains to engage in pretend play are indeed; animism, egocentrism and abstract thinking. There we have it; “Why is ‘pretend play’ SO HARD!?” Well our brains are just different from our littles and there are barriers but that doesn’t mean it is impossible for us to engage with them in their imaginary play and even enjoy it!! I plan on doing a part 2 post next week in ways to make playing with our little ones fun for both parties, but until then…
